Explosions In The Sky
by sunsoakedskies
Summary: AU: Quinn has been attending Rachel's opening night performances since her first year at NYADA, without making her presence known. The two reuinte after Rachel's debut in her first starring role on Broadway.
1. The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place

**Author's Note:** I have two other fics going right now, but this one came into my head and I just had to get it out. I definitely plan on writing more of all of my fics soon. It's finals time at school and that's kind of getting in the way.

This story's title as well as the chapter titles are all based off of a band and an album. The band: explosions in the sky. The album: The earth is not a cold dead place. I highly suggest you check them out. The full album is on youtube and, in my head, is serving as a soundtrack to this fic. I can't promise how long it will be…but if you guys like it, I'll definitely keep updating.

Quinn had always known Rachel Berry was destined for greatness. However, that didn't stop the initial shock coursing through her body when she had settled down into the auditorium that was being filled quickly by a wide array of individuals.

The lead role of Fanny was destined to be Rachel's the moment she was born. And now the stars aligned. Her debut as a lead in a Broadway musical.

Quinn Fabray wasn't quite sure why she was nervous. She wasn't even going to be interacting with Rachel, they hadn't even seen one another since graduation and that was nearly 8 years ago. But that didn't stop Quinn from making it to every play Rachel had participated in since her first musical production at NYADA, a terribly awkward rendition of Cats. Never to be seen by the brunette, however.

Quinn didn't need Rachel to know that she had been there since freshman year. The close proximity to NYADA was definitely the blonde's favorite part about Yale. After graduating she had relocated to New York City in order to pursue her writing career. So far she had published a book of poems, a children's book, and a novel about a girl making her way out of a small town in the Midwest.

The burdens that had previously weighed Quinn down were now the things she was most thankful for.

The curtain began to open and Quinn quickly pushed her thoughts to the back corner of her mind, her focus now solely on the stage.

There she was, the beautiful and talented girl who Quinn admired deeply. She was putting everything into this role. It seemed so effortless, but Quinn knew that Rachel had probably spent as much time as humanly possible preparing for this night. Some things just never changed. She could feel her heart rate pick up as Rachel sang a mere 20 feet in front of her. She had never been so daring as to sit close to the stage. Her goal by attending wasn't to be seen, but to simply admire the brunette and watch her dreams unfold in front of her. But there was something inside of Quinn that told her she _had_ to be closer for this night. Her first starring role.

As the curtain closed for intermission, the blond let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding. She knew she probably looked visibly shaken. It hit her right before the curtain had fallen that tonight was the night. She decided she was going to wait back behind the building where fans normally would gather after plays in hopes of catching a glimpse or having a few words with the performers. She wanted to congratulate Rachel on finally making it to where she was born to be.

The rest of the play passed by too quickly for Quinn's liking. Truthfully, she could watch Rachel perform all night. Sometimes she did, playing old DVD's of their Glee club performances or even he few DVD performances of Rachel's plays that she had acquired over the years.

As the cast came back out on stage for their curtain call, Quinn found herself nearly in tears, standing up alongside everyone else in the auditorium, clapping as loudly as she could. She wiped the few stray tears that had passed over her eyes and smiled brightly as Rachel came up and bowed for the audience. She wasn't the slightest bit surprised that she had gotten the most applause out of everyone. She always had. Since her very first time performing Don't Rain on My Parade with the Glee club.

She stood outside in the cool fall breeze, standing behind the metal barricades the theater security had set up in order to control the crowd that was growing by the minute. Quinn new she was lucky to get to the front of the crowd, and was now putting nearly all of her energy into figuring out what she would say to the brunette if given the opportunity.

She didn't think Rachel would recognize her instantly. She had changed quite a bit since graduating from McKinley. She had kept the short and shaggy hair cut over the years, loving how free it made her feel. Her wardrobe was still relatively similar. Dresses, skirts, the occasional skinny jeans. Tonight she donned a simple black dress that stopped just above her knee, hugging her curves while still being appropriately loose for a Broadway play. The biggest change was in her facial expressions and her body language. She was visibly more relaxed. Her eyes had calmed and were no longer trying to keep up an unemotional façade. She was no longer as rigid as she was in high school. She relaxed, slouched occasionally. But, try as she might, she knew she'd never be able to fully shake the head cheerleader mentality from herself permanently. Her assistant knew as much on days when she was without coffee.

Quinn absentmindedly ran one hand through her hair, brushing it out of her eyes, the other hand clutching her playbill tightly as if she feared it would get away. She had already begun the mental preparations for framing this one. It was a big deal.

The back doors to the theater opened and a few of the cast members came out. The man she recognized as playing Nick stepped out and was greeted with an abundance of yelling. Various younger girls all beckoning for his attention as he furiously signed playbills, tickets, phones, anything the crowd shoved his way. A few times, she noticed, he'd stop for pictures. He made his way closer to her, offering to sign her playbill. She politely shook her head and congratulated him on an amazing performance.

He continued his way down the crowd before he hopped in the cab that had already been hailed for him by, who Quinn assumed, was his manager.

A few other members of the cast came out of the theater and the process was repeated nearly identically to the first performer encounter. Slowly the crowd started to die down and there had still no sign of Rachel.

Quinn was close to giving up hope, thinking Rachel may have escaped the theater immediately following the drop of the curtain.

She had never been so happy to have been mistaken. The large metal doors opened again and out stepped a peppy and vibrant Rachel Berry.

_Still short_. Quinn thought to herself, a smile pulling at the corners of her lips. She watched as Rachel graciously greeted the fans closest to the door. She could tell there were a few future stars in the crowd as well; the same look of determination Rachel had had playing in their eyes.

Quinn wasn't quite too sure when her hands had started uncharacteristically shaking. But there they were, fighting to keep the playbill still. She went over her planned words again in her mind and was thankful that she was almost the farthest person from the doors. It gave her more time to prepare, and to try and calm those damned shaking hands.

Rachel was two feet away from her. The closest the two had been since they hugged after graduation when Glee club was saying their final goodbyes.

"Who should I make this out to?" Rachel asked, looking down at the playbill in Quinn's hands. She had yet to look up and Quinn was slightly thankful for that so she could gain control of her emotions for just a fraction of a second.

"Quinn…Quinn Fabray," she said, mentally cursing herself for how unconfident it had sounded.

All was forgotten, however, when Rachel looked up from the half-signed playbill, her dark brown eyes meeting the calm hazel orbs.

Quinn noticed a range of emotions in Rachel's eyes. She had always had very expressive eyes. First was shock. She knew that emotion well. Then came disbelief as if Rachel didn't completely believe that this Quinn Fabray was _THE _Quinn Fabray. Then came sheer happiness. Quinn felt a surge of butterflies inside of her stomach as Rachel dropped the sharpie and threw her arms around Quinn's neck.

"Quinn! What are you doing here? How have you been? I haven't seen you in so long. I wish we had kept in touch. I would like to apologize that my busy schedule over the past eight years hasn't allowed me to keep in touch with those that I knew in high school - " Quinn couldn't help but smile, her head leaning against Rachel's as she savored the hug from the brunette she had greatly missed. Some things just never changed. Rachel Berry's mannerisms were some of those things.

"Rachel Rachel Rachel" she said, grabbing the girl's shoulders and pulling her back. She wasn't too sure where the sudden surge of confidence had come from. A moment ago she couldn't even say her name without stuttering. "Breathe. Stop rambling." This earned a blush from the small brunette. Quinn couldn't help but widen her smile as she continued "If you would like…" she couldn't remember what word she was going to use next. The nerves were back in full force. She spoke a little softer, trying not to encourage onlookers from joining their conversation. Rachel had already made enough of a scene by screaming and latching herself onto the blonde. "I'd um…can I take you for dinner or coffee…anything."

She wasn't too sure why the fear of being denied by Rachel was so immense. Her fears were put to rest when Rachel nodded and smiled that signature Rachel Berry smile. "Let me just finish up here…" she paused, waving over at the man standing by the cab. Quinn took this time to kneel down and pick up the sharpie Rachel had carelessly abandoned. "Quinn here will be joining us!" she said as Quinn stood once again.

"I believe you'll be in need of this, Star." She said with a wink as she handed the pen back to Rachel.

"Thank you…"Rachel blushed once more and Quinn let out a content laugh. Though she had transformed and grown in ways Quinn could have never imagined, Rachel was still Rachel. And she was thankful for that.

"Go great those fans of yours; they definitely deserve to meet the star of Funny Girl." The blonde said before she stepped back from the metal barricade and worked her way through the crowd. She greeted the man that Rachel had called to. He introduced himself as Steve. She opted to stand next to the cab instead of wait inside. She wanted to watch Rachel shine and soak in all of the praise being thrown her way. Rachel deserved every word.

Quinn finally acknowledged that her biggest hesitation in reaching out to Rachel had been the fear that she would have changed. But, so far, Rachel was Rachel. And Quinn couldn't have asked for anything more.

Rachel finished up with the crowd, waving back at them as she took a few steps backwards towards the cab. Turning on her heels, she smiled up at Quinn. "Shall we grab that bite to eat?" Rachel asked, motioning toward the yellow cab.

"After you." Quinn answered simply, in a more relaxed tone than her words had been earlier. She held open the door for Rachel, not missing the shy smile that flashed across the brunette's face, before she climbed in the cab herself.

The door shut behind her and the reality of the situation finally settled. She was in a car with Rachel Berry.

"What did you have in mind?" Rachel asked. She had always been so accommodating.

"There's this really amazing vegan Italian restaurant a couple of blocks from my apartment. I've been dying to try it. What do you say?"

"Quinn Fabray! After all these years, you still remember I'm a vegan. I have to say I'm impressed. And that sounds awfully delicious. I'd be more than happy to accompany you in your endeavor to find delicious animal-free Italian food."

Quinn playfully rolled her eyes and directed the cab driver where he should be heading. He nodded and she settled back into her seat, turning her body slightly so she could face Rachel.

"It has been way too long." The brunette stated simply, "I…I haven't seen you since graduation. I just can't believe how fast time passes."

Quinn nodded in agreement. It did seem like just yesterday they were in the halls of McKinley, singing some Journey song Mr. Schue had picked out. Her nerves were definitely getting the best of her and she couldn't help but fidget with her fingers. "You were amazing out there tonight. I knew it was just a matter of time before you landed that starring role. I've known since high school."

"I'm so glad that you made it to the show tonight. It was nice to see a familiar face after, quite possibly, the most hectic night of my existence."

Quinn cut her off with a laugh "I'm pretty sure that performance of Cats had to have been more hectic than this." She said, only realizing that she had just informed Rachel of her prior presence after she had finished speaking.

"YOU WERE THERE?" Rachel asked astonished, immediately remembering the disaster of the set falling apart around them while she tried her best to remain in character.

Quinn knew Rachel was bound to find out about her perfect attendance record of opening night performances sooner or later, so she nodded, knowing her nervous voice wasn't prepared to answer anything at the moment. She watched Rachel as she recalled the slew of disasters during that particular performance. Cutting her off before she got too deep in thought, Quinn spoke "and every opening night since." Her voice was back to its regular tone and she was more than pleased that it didn't shake the slightest.

"I don't think I'm following….you mean to tell me, you've been to every play and haven't once made your presence known?" Her tone was borderline accusatory, almost as if Rachel was offended that Quinn hadn't spoken up. She couldn't really blame the brunette. It was something she would change if she could.

"You act as if I've kidnapped your puppy while you were sleeping. We're almost to the restaurant. How about I explain my _lovely_ reasoning over dinner." She said, reaching over and giving Rachel's hands a squeeze. There were those butterflies again, just from the mere contact with Rachel's skin.

"Fine." The diva huffed, doing her best to keep a pout on her lips.


	2. The First Breath After Coma

"I still can't believe that, while the stage was falling apart all around you, you continued to sing. Not only that, but when you forgot your lines, you started singing _about _the stage falling apart. It was the funniest thing I have EVER seen." Quinn giggled, leaning back in her chair, relaxing as she took a sip of her wine.

Rachel huffed from across the table, crossing her arms over her chest. "I had nothing else to do. The show must always go on Fabray." She said, in a playful tone. "What would you have done?"

Quinn shrugged, setting the glass back down on the table "I have no idea, there's a reason I'm an author and not an actress. I like plans. I like knowing what will happen, or having control over what will happen. So, I probably would have run off stage in order to not get _killed_ by falling stage debris."

The pair were talking as if they had remained friends all throughout the eight years since graduation. Conversations flowed effortlessly. So far there hadn't been one moment of awkward silence, only graceful lulls in conversation that resulted in an exchange of smiles.

They had fallen into a comfortable silence, their food now long gone. They, however, opted to stay and enjoy another glass of wine to accompany their conversation, neither quite ready to leave.

"Quinn?" The brunette looked up at the blonde, setting her wine glass back on the table. Her fingers brushed against the base of the glass, hazel eyes following her movements.

The blonde lifted her head and raised an eyebrow curiously, her head slightly tilting, encouraging the brunette to continue.

"I have to ask…why did you come to see me perform all these years?"

Quinn knew this question was bound to arrive eventually and a small smile grazed her lips. Taking in a slow breath to gain her composure, she sat up a little in her chair "You were destined to be a star. I knew it from the first time I saw you perform in the auditorium in McKinley. And, while we may have had our differences…and that's putting it lightly…" the two shared a mutual chuckle at the statement. "I always knew you'd be the one out of all of us to make something of yourself. You were driven, talented, and I always hoped you'd never allow anything to stand in your way. There were times our senior year, when I was worried you'd let certain…things…stand in your way. But you didn't. And I wanted to see the greatness you would be able to achieve firsthand." She said, settling back in her seat.

Rachel let silence settle comfortably over them, taking in Quinn's explanation. If she was being completely honest, it was the farthest thing from what she'd expected. Part of her, the side that remembered the Quinn Fabray from sophomore year, thought that she might have even been coming to her performances in hopes of her failure was more probable than the explanation she had received. Quinn _actually_ wanted to watch her perform. Quinn Fabray thought she was great.

Quinn studied Rachel as she sat across from her. Her mannerisms, her body language, the way her eyes sparkled when she smiled. She finished off her glass of wine, shaking her head when the waiter came by offering to pour her another. Turning her attention back to the brunette, she smiled. Quinn knew that facial expression. Rachel was thinking. The lack of eye contact, the absentminded playing with her napkin, it all reminded her of back in high school, how Rachel looked when she was lost in thought. She waited a few moments longer, giving the singer some time to gather her thoughts before she realized she needed to be the one to speak again.

"You can go ahead and ask the question you keep rewording in your head" Quinn said softly.

This grabbed Rachel's attention. A slight blush crept onto her cheeks and she looked up shyly at the blonde. "How did you know?"

Quinn shrugged slightly in response, motioning her hand for Rachel to continue with her question.

With a playful roll of her eyes, Rachel sighed softly "Why didn't you talk to me? The last time I saw you was at Puck's graduation party. I really thought we had gotten close enough that we would have kept in touch…" The emotion was evident in her voice. The more and more Rachel thought about the past, the more difficult it was to understand. About halfway through her freshman year she had accepted that she and Quinn weren't nearly as good of friends as she had thought. After a couple of attempts to get in contact with her, she gave up. She waited to hear from Quinn, only to receive nothing in return.

After a brief pause, Rachel continued "I thought that we were closer than that. I mean when I found out that you were the one who helped get me crowned as prom queen…I thought that you believed us to be great friends as well…"

"Rachel," Quinn spoke, effectively cutting Rachel off before she went off on an unstoppable tirade, "remember when you told me you and Finn got engaged?"

Rachel nodded.

"And remember how I gave that really long speech in Glee about moving on?"

Rachel nodded again.

"Long story short, that's what I did. And I know that reasoning is absolutely terrible. But there's just so much more behind it…I…I don't even know where to begin. But...I let go of my past so I could start my future."

Rachel looked down at her hands in her lap "That answer really isn't good enough Quinn. You were my best friend…I thought you were. And that doesn't even begin to explain why you still came to all of my performances without saying hello."

Quinn adjusted her position in her seat a bit, nodding ever so slightly. "Can I show you something? It might…explain it…a bit more. It's at my apartment. We could go back there for some coffee?"

Xoxo

Rachel ran her fingers slowly along the edge of the shelf which housed Quinn's collection of Alice in Wonderland hard covers. "How many copies of Alice in Wonderland can one woman have?" Rachel questioned, mostly to herself.

"Twenty-seven and counting." Quinn quipped back, walking in with two steaming mugs of coffee. She handed one to Rachel with a smile, nodding towards the bookshelf "I started collecting them when I was little. It was my absolutely favorite story growing up." She walked over and sat down on the couch, folding one leg under herself. "It offered a pleasant escape from the real world."

Rachel followed her to the sofa, sitting on the opposite side, facing Quinn in a similar manner. "Your mind is a curious place." She shot the blonde a soft smile, taking a sip from the mug in her hands.

Quinn sat her cup on the coffee table before she leaned back into the cushions of the couch. "Rachel, I know you want all the answers. I know that you always want the whole truth and nothing but the truth. You've always been like that. But I've _never_ worked that way. I guess it has something to do with how things were growing up…." She trailed off momentarily, smiling lightly at Rachel who offered an understanding smile in return. "But! I'm good at offering bits and pieces of information at a time. It's just the…._big _things that I have problems with." She accentuated the word big with a dramatic wave of her hands, earning a quiet giggle from Rachel.

Smoothing out her skirt, the brunette sat up a little "Well, Quinn, as I'm sure you may remember from the few heart-to-hearts we happened to have had in high school, I am a rather good listener."

Quinn couldn't help but laugh as she studied the brunette's features, unsure of how to take the next step in telling Rachel everything she needed to know.

Rachel scooted forward a little on the couch, resting her hand gently on Quinn's forearm "You can tell me anything. So just say it."

Looking up from the brunette's hand to her eyes, she smiled contentedly. Taking a slow breath, she nodded softly "I came to realize…and accepted that…I'm gay."

Rachel gave Quinn's arm a soft squeeze "Quinn…" her voice came out barely above a whisper, "I am so happy you told me. I'm so happy for you. How did you come to realize it…if you don't mind me asking?"

"Well I sort of knew all throughout high school. Looking back on it, it has always been something that should have been obvious. I was definitely too caught up in the social hierarchy of high school and being the perfect daughter and having it the perfect life to really notice that I didn't have feelings with any of the guys I dated. I thought up excellent reasons why I didn't feel romantically attached to them. Finn…I just wasn't into. He wasn't intellectually up to par. So I blamed it on that. Not to mention his problem in the bedroom."

Both girls cringed at the thought, each curious as to what they even saw in him in the first place.

"With Puck, I always had this mixture of resentment and compassion towards him. He got me drunk, he got me pregnant. But after we got so close, he felt like family. So I blamed that. Then with Sam, well until Mercedes I swore he was gay. I figured the lack of chemistry was all on him."

Rachel nodded in understanding then attempted to stifle a giggle "I totally thought he was gay until him and Mercedes finally tied the knot."

With a playful shove, the blonde leaned her head back against the couch "Oh my god, I know right?" She had to admit that it was great just laughing with Rachel like old times, but she knew that Rachel's curious nature would end up getting the best of Rachel.

The brunette's laughter finally died down a little and she gave Quinn another gentle squeeze on her arm. "Go on though. I'm sorry that I interrupted."

Her gaze drifted to Rachel's hand on her arm and her smile widened. She was sure the brunette wasn't aware of her lingering touch, but to Quinn it absolutely set her skin ablaze. There was something so incredibly explosive about Rachel, in the best way possible. She chewed on her bottom lip, trying to reel back in the eloquent side of her brain, the one that didn't get foggy with just a simple touch.

"I fell in love," the blonde stated. Before Rachel was able to speak the congratulatory words that Quinn could see ready to fall from her lips, she continued, this time with conviction, "with you Rachel. I fell in love…with you."


	3. The Only Moment We Were Alone

**AN: Thank you so much for all of the reviews. It's very much appreciated. I'm sorry about the delays in updating. I just finished up with finals and now I'm on summer break, so expect more frequent updates. I'll try to update at least once a week, possibly twice, if I can. **

**For those of you that haven't, you should definitely check out the band Explosions in the Sky. The entire story relates back to their music. This part is based on the album – The Earth Is Not a Cold Dead Place. Check it out!**

**xoxo**

"You _WHAT_?" Rachel's jaw dropped, her eyes frantically searching for some hint of a joke, of malicious intent, anything that indicated Quinn's previous statement had been false. "But you and I…you hated me…and then you didn't want me to get married because you thought I was bigger than Lima…and you and Joe….and…and…and…we fought over boys…"

Quinn let out a slow breath, knowing it would be best if Rachel talked herself into silence, rather than Quinn try and back peddle now.

The brunette tucked her hair behind her ears, a nervous habit she had been guilty of since childhood. "But you're _Quinn Fabray_ and I'm…I'm me…and there's no way….Quinn stop kidding with me."

Knowing Rachel's rambling was finally dying down, Quinn put her hand over Rachel's, which she noticed had yet to leave her arm, even through her mild freak out. "Rachel, breathe and let me explain…ok?"

She received a small nod in return.

"I'll address each point of concern," Quinn stated in a very firm tone, almost Rachel Berry like in nature, "I never hated you. Yes, I harbored some sort of resentment for you. You were so sure of yourself, in the best way. You were comfortable with you; you didn't have to please anyone because you had the most supportive parents in the world. I envied you. I never hated you, despite all of the terrible things I have done…."Quinn trailed off for a moment, flashing Rachel an apologetic look. She knew she could never apologize enough for their past. But ever since they had decided to be friends towards the end of high school, she had been trying to make up for it.

"Quinn, I still don't understand…" Rachel's pleading eyes bore holes into Quinn's soul, weakening her resolve to keep her emotions relatively silent through this encounter.

Shaking her head slowly, she gave Rachel's hand a soft squeeze "Give me a moment to try and make you understand then?" She offered up a small, yet comforting smile, one which Rachel was sure only Quinn was capable of offering. It was the sort of smile that could make the saddest person in the world smile, and effectively calmed Rachel more than she thought possible at this moment.

"I thought that being the perfect Christian daughter with the perfect boyfriend would make my life great. That I would feel complete…be able to fill the void that I felt. Finn was the quarterback; he was everything I should have wanted. He was polite; my parents loved him…well up until they thought he was the father of my baby. When I slept with Puck, I messed all of that up. I wanted to prove to myself that I was attracted to guys; just maybe Finn wasn't _the one_. We fought over boys because I thought that's what we were supposed to do. But somewhere during my crazy trip between the pink hair, the baby-stealing plot, and you saving my ass…I realized something. Everything always came back to you. No matter what, you wanted to be my friend. You saw _me_. You didn't see the bitchy cheerleader. You didn't see some psychopath kidnapper. You saw someone who was lost. Which is exactly who I was. I was so lost. And you found me time and time again. And one day it hit me. It was you. I wasn't jealous of you pining after Finn, I thought I was supposed to be, but in reality I was jealous of Finn. I remember sophomore year telling him that he could cheat on me with anyone…just not you. And at the time I didn't realize what that meant. But then senior year, it all changed.

"Once I realized I was gay…I started accepting it for what it was. I knew that my parents were never going to be supportive of that, and I was oddly ok with it. My parents weren't too involved to begin with. When you were going to get married, do you remember what I asked you in the hallway?"

"You asked about _Here's to Us_. You asked if I was singing it to Finn and only Finn." Rachel's voice was barely audible, her eyes still lost somewhere deep inside of Quinn's. It was one question that Rachel had never been able to quite wrap her head around. Quinn was a very calculated person in both her mannerisms and her conversations. Each question always had some purpose. But this one had never offered anything of the sort. At least not one Rachel could find.

Quinn nodded slowly "Yes. And you said yes. And it hit me that I needed to be the friend you needed. I wanted to be there for you and support you because I had that sense of closure that you loved him, that I didn't have the chance I wanted. I had to accept that you were with Finn and you needed me to be happy for you. You were the first friend I had that saw past the cheerio uniform and I couldn't lose that. I"

Rachel reached out and covered Quinn's mouth. "I'm going to stop you right there." She slowly removed her hand when she was sure the blonde wouldn't immediately start talking again. "I never said yes."

Quinn cocked her eyebrow, looking at Rachel questioningly.

"When you asked if I was singing to Finn and only Finn, I never said yes."

Shaking her head quickly, almost defiantly, "No, you nodded I remember it like it was yesterday. You nodded."

Rachel scooted a little closer, trying desperately to get Quinn to understand "I looked down then looked back up. Then you agreed to come to the wedding and I didn't let myself think anything of it.

"Part of me desperately wanted you to show up to the wedding in time to talk me out of it. And then…you know what happened instead."

There was a brief pause. The two women looked at one another, both trying to speak their feelings without words. Rachel reached forward and took Quinn's hand in hers. "I never said yes," she whispered as she gave Quinn's hand a firm squeeze, almost as if she was trying to prove to Quinn that she was there. She was with Quinn. All of this was real.

"Rachel…you and Finn…you were so in love with him…" Quinn whispered softly, almost too quiet for Rachel to hear.

"Remember when Finn dropped me off at the train station? Everyone was there, you were there. He asked me, when we were in the car, if I was one hundred percent sure I wanted to marry him. I told him that no one was one hundred percent sure about anything. I told him that I loved him and that he _needed _to come to New York with me. That's when he told me about Georgia and his joining the army. I didn't realize it was a blessing in disguise. I clung so desperately to Finn because he was like a security blanket. He was the one constant presence in my life outside of my family. Friends would come and go, but Finn always found his way back. I thought it was true love. But it wasn't. I loved Finn. I loved the dramatic nature of it all. How the high school loser ended up with the quarterback. It was the perfect love story…except without the love." Rachel shrugged slightly. It was a fate she had accepted a long time ago. The moment she reached grand central station, she knew she wasn't in love with him. It hit her like a train. And, while she knew that she would miss Finn terribly, she knew that she would be ok in the end.

Quinn's mouth opened ever so slightly, but Rachel shook her head. It was her turn to speak what was on her mind. "Finn came to New York after his first tour in Iraq. He came back, hoping that I'd waited for him. He talked about how he'd waited for me. How I was all he thought about. It was like nothing had changed from senior year. He still seemed so immature. He thought that I would be dying to jump into his arms. But he thought wrong. It had been years. I was a senior, I was performing in an off-Broadway play and, if we're being completely honest, I hadn't thought of him in a long time. But, unlike all the other times I denied his feelings, I feel like this was the first time it clicked for him. That we were just a silly high school romance."

The pair let out a mutual laugh. They had both had their fill of silly high school romances. It wasn't like there was much to do in Lima apart from dating everyone within sight.

"I have something for you, Rachel," Quinn said, standing up and walking across the room. She paused in front of the dark mahogany bookshelf, slowly perusing the many books that filled the shelves. She swiftly pulled one from the shelf. It was relatively small, leather-bound. It almost looked like a small journal, apart from the decorative pattern that was embossed on the cover as well as the back. "I want you to read this. I think it says a lot."

Rachel took the small leather book in her hands, making a move to open it, but Quinn's hand immediately covered hers "Not yet. It's a collection of writings. And I really think you should read it."

The brunette gave the blonde a curious look which only widened Quinn's smile. "There's a note inside that explains everything. I've wanted to mail it to you for a while. But I wasn't sure if you even looked at your fanmail and I didn't want to risk losing this one. It's the first print of this particular book. And it's yours to keep."

Giving the blonde a small nod, Rachel slipped the small book into her purse to avoid further temptation at opening the book. "I've really enjoyed seeing you tonight Quinn, and I would really like to make this a regular thing." Rachel stood from her comfortable place on the couch and immediately wrapped her arms around Quinn like she had so many times during their senior year. "Now that I know where you live, you better realize that you won't be getting rid of me again," they both let out a quiet giggle and Quinn tightened her arms around the smaller girl in front of her.

Letting her face brush against the brunette locks, she whispered into her hair, "I wouldn't dream of it."

The two reveled in the embrace as long as possible before Quinn slowly pulled back, opting to take Rachel's hands in her own "It's getting really late and I know you have an earlier show tomorrow."

Reluctantly, Rachel nodded. "You're right Quinn, I better head home. But thank you for the coffee and for the book." Slipping her phone from her purse, Rachel handed it to Quinn. "My number has changed as I'm sure yours has as well."

The blonde took the small phone in her hands and quickly added her number to the contact list before handing it back to Rachel. "I'll walk you out?"

xoxo

Hailing a cab had proven to be a difficult task. Between the two of them, they could barely contain their laughter long enough to notice a cab driving down the street before them.

Quinn had convinced Rachel to reprise _her_ version of "Memory" from her first performance of Cats. Luckily for Quinn, she still remembered the words she had made up.

Twirling dramatically, the brunette began to sing "I was beautiful then, I remember the time I knew what happiness was. Let the memory live again."

At this point, Quinn began bouncing on her heels excitedly, surely looking ridiculous to the few pedestrians that shared the sidewalk with the two girls. Though definitely not as ridiculous as Rachel, her dancing didn't even come close to matching the sparse choreography of the number. Instead, she chose ballet to go along with her imitation of trying to avoid the falling props all around her.

"Every streetlamp seems to fall all around me. Someone mutters and another streetlamp plummets. And soon I might be crushed."

Quinn clapped loudly, cheering for the reprise of her personal favorite number Rachel had ever performed.

After a few more minutes of laughter, Quinn finally managed to hail Rachel a cab. She wrapped her arms around the small brunette, placing a light kiss on her cheek. "Read that book and then call me."

Rachel nodded, promising that she would. "Goodnight Quinn, tonight was…_amazing_."

Quinn opened the back door of the cab for her, smiling as the singer climbed inside "Thank you for joining me tonight Rachel, have a wonderful night. And text me so I'll have your number as well."

She closed the door, waving towards the cab until it rounded the corner, disappearing out of sight.

-xoxo-

**So this was more of a necessary chapter. Both of the characters needed to say all of that. So nothing super glamorous. Next chapter…big big big big big things planned. So stay tuned. Thank you for the reviews. Keep them coming :) I love it. Thank you all for reading.**


	4. Six Days At The Bottom Of The Ocean

**AN: Once again, thank you all for the reviews. I love feedback on this stuff. It's very much appreciated. Very Rachel-centric chapter for a change. I deemed it important since Quinn has been very resolute in her feelings for years, while Rachel is just now finding out about them.**

**xoxo**

_Dear Rachel,_

_What you are holding in your hand is the first printed copy from my first ever published work. It is a collection of poems that I have been writing since high school. I'm sure you'll figure out the general theme behind them and I hope that this will answer many of your unasked questions._

_This is undoubtedly for you,_

_Quinn Fabray_

Rachel had been fiddling with the small, folded piece of paper that had been in the front cover of the book for the better part of any hour. She had arrived home from Quinn's and immediately found her attention being pulled by the book that lay in her purse. She felt as though it had started to taunt her. Though she immediately filed that idea under 'ridiculous', inanimate objects were incapable of taunting humans. However, the brunette knew, based on the cryptic behavior presented by the blonde when discussing the object, that whatever was in this book was going to change her. Whether that would be for the better or for the worse, Rachel wasn't sure.

She wasn't sure of much of anything anymore.

When she had climbed out of bed that very morning, Quinn Fabray was a distant memory, a forgotten friend. And now suddenly her world had turned upside down.

Not only had she been reunited with the girl she had considered her greatest friend, but she had sat on her couch as the blonde spilled her feelings for the brunette in, admittedly, an extremely eloquent and well-justified way.

But that didn't make the revelation any less shocking for Rachel. Sure, during her youth she had an admiration for Quinn that wasn't necessarily always platonic, but that didn't change the fact that she was still in disbelief. After all, it was Quinn Fabray. And girls like Quinn Fabray didn't go for girls like Rachel Berry. That was a fact that was molded into the brunettes mind, no matter how confident she had become in most other aspects of her life. She could cook. She could dance, act, and sing. She liked to think she was pretty good at swimming without drowning. But when it came to romance, she had to admit that she didn't feel all that worthy of Quinn's praises.

To be completely honest, she hadn't had many serious relationships since Finn Hudson. There had been a few during college, but during her senior year she decided to focus all of her energy to her performances. She was so close to being where she had always dreamed she would be and she didn't want another repeat of her senior year of high school. The singer nearly cringed at the thought of a young version of herself prepared to willingly give up all of her dreams in order to marry the large, awkward, and extremely dim boy she had previously considered the love of her life.

Rachel looked around her apartment, taking in the familiar surroundings. She had done alright for herself and was the proud owner of the studio apartment. But tonight it felt more empty than usual. The large glass windows that covered the far wall made her feel vulnerable and exposed and, for one of the first times since she moved in, she closed them with the large burgundy curtains. She wasn't surprised when the vulnerable feeling hadn't been soothed. If anything, now she felt trapped, almost like the walls were closing in on her.

Whatever she would find in the book would solidify everything Quinn had said. It didn't feel real yet. And part of Rachel, the part that was still afraid of heartbreak, wasn't sure that she wanted it to be real. Things would be so simple if it was just a dream, but the book that was practically burning holes into her hands reminded her that this was the farthest thing from a dream.

xoxo

At this point, Rachel knew she was stalling. She had already gone through her nightly routine, changed into some shorts and an old NYADA hoodie, and was now sitting, pondering, while the book sat, almost menacingly, on the comforter beside her current spot in her bed.

On an impulse, Rachel picked up the book and opened to the title page. She briefly glanced to the letter sitting in her lap and couldn't help it when the corners of her mouth tugged upwards into a smile. Quinn Fabray was a published author. The girl prepared to settle for being an unhappy real estate agent in Lima, Ohio, was a published author. Rachel couldn't be more proud of her.

Her fingertips reached out to brush against the black ink title across the middle of the page. They outlined each word as if that would be the only way to ensure it was real. _"Keeping the Light In" A collection of poems by Quinn Fabray_.

The brunette slowly turned the pages until she reached the first page that housed Quinn's actual words. She began reading, slowly and deliberately as if she wanted to soak in every word and memorize it just in case something were to happen to the precious bundle of pages in her hand.

_My eyes instinctively latch on to lips, to chest._

_And I become completely captivated by the way she breathes oxygen in._

_How she breathes carbon dioxide out._

_I can almost see the air._

_It is as if every molecule surrounding her is hosting a grand battle, praying that they'll be the ones selected to pass by her lips, _

_To grace her lungs._

_It is as if the molecules want to win the bragging rights,_

_To be able to say "I played a part in keeping the light in those brown eyes"_

Rachel wasn't sure when the tears started flowing. She wasn't even sure how many of the poems she had already read. All that she was able to register was her thumb slowly gliding over page twenty-seven as she turned to the next page.

_When she looks into my eyes it feels as though she is reading an extensively detailed novel of my existence._

_And yet she smiles as if she loves me anyway, despite all of the imperfections, the scars, that I am so very aware are lining each letter._

_And for the first time in my life, I am home._

Rachel slowly closed the book, using the sleeve of her sweatshirt to wipe her eyes. She couldn't quite place the feeling in her stomach, or her chest, or that feeling that seemed to be travelling through every vein in her body from her toes to her fingertips.

The best description she could offer was that there was a hurricane of butterflies trapped inside of her stomach while a low, yet intense, fire managed to work its way through her body, and while her heart decided it was the perfect time to explode inside of her chest.

Finally, she settled on calling this feeling relief. Relief with an extra dose of happiness and an overabundance of pure shock.

She drew in a shaky breath, trying to steady herself, glancing over at the clock. It was already nearly four am and she was nowhere close to being tired.

Turning off the light on the bedside table, she wiggled underneath the sheets, silently praying that her brain would shut off sooner rather than later and allow her some much needed sleep and to prevent her from marching over to Quinn's apartment at such a late hour. The book laid calmly on the other side of the bed, nestled in blankets. And in that moment Rachel was certain of one thing in a midst of uncertainty: she wished that the blonde who had written such magnificent words was in its place.

xoxo

Rachel had been at the theater nearly all day, only stepping out to grab lunch with a few other cast members. The entire cast had been running over last minute changes in choreography and blocking, attempting to solve the few problems they had encountered on opening night.

She had finished with hair and makeup moments prior and was now heading to her dressing room to relax before she was needed on stage. She loved these long days. Days spent on stage, only to be followed by an evening immersed in the role she was fortunate enough to be able to portray.

Closing the door behind her, she effectively turned the volume down on the sound coming from the busy hallways. The singer let out a soft gasp as her eyes travelled over to the table by the couch. A bouquet of Gardenias sat in a lovely vase in the middle of the table, a card tucked neatly inside of the ribbon on the vase. Light green ribbon. It was as if she was transported back in time to junior year. Wasting no time, she crossed the room and lifted the card from the bouquet.

_I knew all along, _written in beautiful cursive writing that matched the note from Quinn's book, was all that was found by the brunette. She couldn't help but smile, though she was still surprised Quinn had found out about the corsage. Rachel knew, for a fact, that Finn would never tell Quinn that Rachel had given him all the information to pick out the perfect corsage. It would have messed with his 'manliness'.

Tucking the note back in the flowers, she smiled serenely before embarking on her thirty minute relaxation period.

xoxo

It had been about six days since she had received the flowers from Quinn. She couldn't bring herself to contact her just yet. While she had always been impulsive, she knew this wasn't something that she could act carelessly with. She needed to be deliberate, to know her feelings completely before confronting the writer.

But now, after arriving home after another sold out performance, Rachel couldn't help but smile. In fact, she couldn't wipe the smile off of her face. She was here, in her dream role, and things could only go up from here. She was already receiving rave reviews for her portrayal of Fanny and critics were dubbing her 'a force to be reckoned with'.

It was really all Rachel had ever wanted. Well, that, and an EGOT.

The brunette finally turned her phone back on as she settled herself on the couch with a cup of tea and Quinn's book.

Quinn had sent her two simple texts each day since their encounter. One every morning, wishing her a good day in a different way each time. And one every evening, always making sure to wish her sweet dreams. They had spoken briefly when Rachel texted a quick thank you for the flowers before going onstage. The conversation had continued after the show though it always remained simple, never discussing the elephant in the room.

Rachel had learned, however, that Quinn was busy working on her second novel, which kept her up late most nights. Without a doubt, the brunette was mildly surprised that Quinn had yet to ask if she had had an opportunity to read the book. Neither of the women had brought it up since the evening at Quinn's apartment.

She had been respectably avoiding Quinn to the best of her abilities. She wanted to have at least a week to think over everything. But as the week wore on, her resolve began to weaken.

Now, Rachel was curled up on her couch, under a throw blanket to read the book for the twentieth time. She had been counting. Something about Quinn's words were so comforting yet so unnerving. They shook Rachel to the core while wrapping her up in a safe haven. They were so real yet felt so imaginary simultaneously. It was almost as if Rachel was expecting the words to change if she read them enough times. Maybe she would snap out of her fantasy and back into reality if she read it again. And thus the process continued.

Before she knew it, it was nearly three am. She was so glad she had the day off tomorrow. Rachel was starting to get bags under her eyes from lack of sleep due to her inability to put the book down.

She flipped to the front of the book once more, stopping to read the dedication for the first time that the book had been in her possession.

_For the one who was always there to guide me back to Earth. I'd be your anything._

Those words were the final straw. Closing the book and setting it on the coffee table, Rachel grabbed her phone and headed out the door.

xoxo

With a glance at her clock, Quinn rolled out of bed, her fingers ruffling her surely messy hair. She let out a soft laugh, remembering a time at Santana's house junior year when Brittany had told her she looked like a really scrawny lion when she first woke up.

She rubbed lazily at her eyes with one hand, tugging on the oversized white tshirt she wore with her black shorts.

She had absolutely no idea who could be knocking on her door at such a late hour.

Quinn unlocked the door and swung it open, letting out a sigh of relief to find Rachel on her porch. She couldn't help but smile, the brunette's hair was up in a messy bun and she was wearing an old NYADA sweatshirt along with some black sweats and simple flats. Clearly she had been in a rush.

"Rach…what're you doing here it's nearly four in the"

Before Quinn had the opportunity to finish her sentence, Rachel was already stepping into the apartment, closer to the blonde. The pair locked eyes and Rachel let out a soft breath before lifting herself up on her tiptoes to connect her lips with the blonde's.

It was almost hesitant at first and it took a moment for the blonde to even register the soft lips against hers. When she felt Rachel's hands tunnel through her hair, she immediately responded. Her lips moved slowly, matching Rachel's pace. The world near stopped around the two of them as they savored one another. The kiss was simple and stayed simple.

Quinn's right arm snaked around Rachel's waist, bringing the smaller girl closer to her, feeling the need to make sure she couldn't disappear from her grasp. She brought her left hand to cup Rachel's cheek, brushing her thumb against the smooth, tan skin along her cheekbone.

Rachel was the first to pull back, her lips brushing against Quinn's once more before she drew in a slow breath. "I never said yes that day because I was never his, Quinn. I was always yours," she whispered, her lips once against connecting with the blonde's, murmuring another 'always' as she deepened the kiss.

xoxo

**All of Quinn's words featured in this chapter are completely original. **


	5. Authors Note - Next Chapter Update Soon

**Authors Note: So, I'm back to writing. The summer was busy with work and family and now school and life has been wild and I lost my inspiration and desire to write there for a while. But, I'm back and currently working on the next chapter. It's going to be longer than most and it'll probably take a bit longer to get it finished and published BUT, I wanted to give everyone a little teaser (especially since I got a question on my tumblr about when I'd update next).**

**Feel free to follow me on Tumblr (sunsoakedskies) for any updates on when the story might be published. I promise it'll be soon! **

**Here's a little preview of what you all will get next :D**

Rachel Berry had always been impulsive. She was calculated and she was prepared, but she was also incredibly impulsive. But this was an entire new level of impulse. What if Quinn – dare she think it – had a girlfriend? What if she had gotten over Rachel a long time ago and the book was just a thing of the past, something they needed to share before the blonde could move on? What if kissing her took away every bit of progress Quinn had made in getting the brunette off her mind? What if this was the start of something more? But 'what ifs' stopped mattering the moment the blonde's tongue brushed along the seam of Rachel's lips, practically begging for entrance, and there was no way Rachel would deny Quinn anything at this point. Nothing else in the world mattered anymore. And then Quinn's tongue slipped against her own.

Rachel was a goner.

She had surely died and somehow ended up in some sort of heavenly realm because kissing Quinn made her feel things that she had never felt before, especially not from a simple kiss. It was comforting and dangerous and made her feel like her entire body was surely on fire, but at the same time it was refreshing, like a cold cup of water in the middle of the desert – her own personal oasis.

She nearly whimpered as the blonde pulled her lips away, though it was probably smart, they had been running out of oxygen quickly, she could feel her straining lungs starting to hate her, and Quinn seemed to still be in the right mind to not let them both pass out from lack of air in her foyer.


End file.
